Four Kinds of Unconscious Love

In a Family Constellation, we look for the four UNCONSCIOUS dynamics that individually, or in any combination, block systemic health and express themselves in all kinds of issues and symptoms. The more you know about your family history, the clearer the picture can become. But, even if you know nothing, or things are hidden, this work can uncover the emotional truth of trauma’s generational impact.

These four unconscious systemic dynamics are:

SEPARATION from mother. This can often cause a disruption in the bonding process and a trauma to the child’s nervous system. A separation can range from the mother’s death, to adoption, to a traumatic experience taking the mother’s focus off the child (a divorce, death, accident, etc.), to the mother going away on vacation for more than a week. The younger the child, the more time away may have an impact in the bonding.

REJECTION of a parent. “My Dad is a drunk .” “My Mom was distant, cold.” When a parent is rejected, the child, though overtly judgmental and dismissive, will often stay connected covertly by taking on the negative traits labeled on that parent. A rejection of a parent is a rejection of self. He’s no good/I’m no good.

MERGED with a parent. Do you share your parent’s emotions? Do you struggle in the same manner as your Mom or Dad? Do you protect, take care of, or stay close to a parent?

IDENTIFICATION with an “excluded” member of your systemic family – someone that is not talked about or remembered in a good way due to painful, shameful, or traumatic circumstances. Do you act like, feel like that uncle who lost everything? The aunt who was put away for mental illness? The older brother in jail? The grandparent who was killed or killed in war.